We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
