Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
