windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am midnight drunk by noon
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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