can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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