This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
