you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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