He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
