he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
