me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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