Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
