Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize