Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
