So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
