Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
