dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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