Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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