This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
