You smell like stripper and shame
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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