shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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