shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize