I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
