If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
