3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
