im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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