Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
