Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
