Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize