I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
