What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
