chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
