the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
