So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize