Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
