Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I believe in your delicious
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
