I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He better not be in your backpack
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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