I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
