I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
