I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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