The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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