based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
