I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
