im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
