how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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