she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
