just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
