Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
