I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
