Got a toothbrush?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why do cheetos always look like penises
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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