You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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