Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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