I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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