dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
