I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize