I will die if light touches me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
