Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
is that a dick in a sweater?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
