I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
