Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
