Where did you get a picture of my penis
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
