Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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