Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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