You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
