I wish my penis had an off switch
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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