Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
