This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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