No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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