I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
