I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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