did you get engaged???
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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