Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
