I smell stomach acid.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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