Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize