there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
