So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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