im six kinds of drunk right now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
