I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
