Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
