I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
