do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
