HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
