i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize