he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
