drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize