dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
