why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
