Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
