i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
