neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
