Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
