worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
