you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
