So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We are all done wearing pants today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize