Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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