hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
