Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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