Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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