things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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