everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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