I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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