One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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