Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
