i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
