I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
