I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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