Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
