Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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