She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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