Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
